This Man Is Alive

I'm not going to fall far
By all means you are welcome to watch me land
Hear my body break against the earth
As though the planet itself is punishing me
As though life has strung me along
And today is the day in which I catch up with it
I could discuss the death of a man
Perhaps he is a banker?
Perhaps he will shoot himself behind an inn?
Perhaps I am just a child?
This man lives and I am not Berryman
I cannot talk of the anger of an other
I cannot talk of escape or money or emotional bullying
Only of lying in a small military room
With a great man next to me
One who is now married, successful, distant
Although his smile is still sweet and uncomplicated
Does he fear the future?
Does he look at the past with a great reverence
Is he and his memory my religion?
Am I to be chasing this smile until we are on our death beds?
Do I forever move into my future
While smelling the perennial flowers of old lovers
Do I count my blessings to have known such men?
Do I thank God, Aphrodite, The Devil himself?
For allowing me the taste of Dorian's fruit?
I do not feel that I am such a romantic
Yet I often fall into my mind
Thinking of such men
And certain days
Certain moments
The morning's light on bedsheets
Orange Poppies in a vase
All of these now fade to oblivion
Where all men must fade
Yet I will hold on to your smile
Still so sweet and uncomplicated
I shall clutch this memory in my fist
Holding it against my chest
As I fall against the earth
As my bones break and Hector and the gods laugh
At the life that has strung me along
And all the topics that I could discuss
But this man is alive and I am not Berryman



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